How mean is my mother in law, would you put up with her?

Okay, the parent child relationship. He is reverting back to how he dealt with her in his childhood. And you have been the one to give him a double portion by getting him to leave your room at your parents. Why do you feel you have to discipline your husband for his mothers lack of goodwill? Why should he get it from both ends of the stick. YOUR his wife and YOU need to support him. He avoids her and in that way he believes it will keep the peace. Now the phone does work both ways and they are complaining because they do want to be closer and instead of coming to a rational thought of calling themselves they just need to complain. So, now rethink of when you lived in the UK, did they complain about everything family? I am sure they did, look at the source of complaint and just let it go. Now she did not pay for your husband and you and you went bankrupt. So sorrey and how old is she? Not everyone holds the traditional views in a family that they help eachother. In some cultures the son should be the one to provide for his family and they may not feel that it is in their son's best interest to provide a bailout because it could cripple future choices and enabling. This is really sad that this is crumbling your marriage and it doesn't have to.